


Saturday Morning StriLondes

by Zalloj



Category: Heartsick - Fandom, Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 06:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17361155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalloj/pseuds/Zalloj
Summary: The Strider Lalonde Clan have breakfast at Rose and Kanaya's place.





	Saturday Morning StriLondes

7 in the morning, the MaryLonde Skyscraper Manor is rustling with a collection of blondes 20-somethings

3 of them are in on something benign, but wholesome. Rose walks into her kitchen to find a litany of noises and smells abash her senses.

Roxy: aaayyy grl, how u doin this mornin?

Rose: Good Morning Roxy! Dave, Dirk, Calliope!

Dave: sup nerd

Calliope: Pleasant morrow to yoU dear Rose!

Dirk: Nice of you to drop by, my wayward genetic offspring.

Rose: This is my house, **_dad_**. I **live** here.

Dirk: Ok?! Where did that come from?!

Rose: A need to be a lil shit for no reason. I just saw and opportunity to express my legal dominance over my domain like my inner child always wanted, at your expense~

Dirk: Right, hope you got your Freudian chuckles out for the day, because that was just rude.

Rose: I think I might have, but I am quite glad that my dear male parental figure is around to take another bite out of, to satisfy that inner child of mine~

( [Read More...](https://www.pillowfort.io/posts/415005) )

Dirk: Does that mean I get to break out the traditional Dad jokes?

Dave: **no! i will throw a tantrum of biblical proportions if you start that shit. got enough of that from dad crocker as it is.  
**

Dirk: You’re no fun, I was only kidding.

Dave: you and i both know not to joke about that bullshit, it was old before time even began, let it die in the past like the relic that it fucking is!

Dirk: All right! I get it! You hate Dad Jokes!

Dave: god damn right i hate em… bro…

Dirk: Ok, what do you mean by th-

Rose: _**ANYWAYS**_ , far too much to unpack there! What in the world are you three doing in my house at this hour!

Rose: Without my knowledge that you would be here at all today…

Roxy: brekfast!

Rose: What kind of *breakfast? Pancakes?

Roxy: yup! pancakes!

Rose: With… what is that you’re drinking?

 

Roxy: chocolate malk

Rose: …Chocolate milk?

Roxy: ye! choclate milk!  
Roxy: *malk

Rose: Isn’t is a little… early… to be drinking chocolate milk? Wouldn’t it be more prudent to be consuming something like orange juice?

Roxy: rnt u a lil young t2 b telling me wat i can and cant drink?

Rose: We’re the same age.

Roxy: and i am technically ur mother! so dont sass me, i drink the fuk i want!

Rose: …

Rose: Can I have some?

Roxy: no, get ur fuckin own! this is mah choclate malk!

Rose: Calm down Mother, it’s just a little sugary dairy product!!

Roxy: sorry im still a lil grochy from a lake of sleep  
Roxy: *lack

Dave: here, theres a whole carton of the stuff, store bought, yknow, the **_good kind_**.

Rose: Why thank you David! I appreciate the gesture!

Dave: dont call me david or i will smuppet bomb your ass in your sleep. see how you like it.

Rose: Right, so what are **_you_  **having, Dave?

Dave: well like everybody else i indulged in the canadian breakfast tortilla, but now, also like everybody else, i am now waiting for a piece of belgian heaven called a waffle.

Rose: Wait, you all had pancakes and now you are all waiting to have waffles?

Dirk: Exactly! Our second course to be exact!

Rose: …But _why_ though?

Dave: well calli as you can clearly observe is cooking them. she cooked the pancakes which we ate.

Roxy: they were, so, fuckin, _delish_ ~

Dirk: So damn bUttery good~

Calliope: Thank yoU for yoUr compliments! YoU are most welcome! Mwah!

Dave: right, since they were so damn scrumptious, and calli likes doing things for others, we wanted to see what the difference is between waffles and pancakes were, so we asked her to make us some waffles to see which we liked best!

Dirk: Speaking of which!

Calliope: Lady, Gentlemen, enjoy yoUr second coUrse! Hope yoU like it!

[Originally posted by let-us-taco-bout-it](https://tmblr.co/ZYTacd2ZIrEWv)

Roxy: *gasp* oh. my. letter g. that looks and smells bomb as sex, but 3 my mouth  
Roxy: *4

Dirk: Oh hell fucking yes!

Dave: all right, pass that canadian wine over so i soak this yummy bitch for my rumble tummy.

Dirk: Don’t say it like that please.

Calliope: Rose, woUld yoU yoUrself care for a stovetop artifact of confection?

Rose: Uh, yes, I would, thank you for offering, but Im not in the mood for waffles or pancakes.

Calliope: No problem love, what are yoU in the mood for then?

Rose: Maybe… _French Toast_?

Calliope: Of coUrse! I shall have whipped up in bUt a jiffy!

Roxy: OMG! i luv franch toast! we can have that next!

Dave: oh double hell fucking yes!

Dirk: Fuck, why didn’t we think of that? A culinary classic thats done more for Human palates than beer!

Rose: I didn’t know you could cook, Calliope, why wasn’t I made aware of this rare skill sooner?

Calliope: That is becaUse Jane has taken me in Under her proverbial wing, and taUght me many cUlinary recipes!!

Rose: Really now? Shes teaching you how to cook?

Roxy: oh totes rosey, janey is teachin her all of the crocker recipees in her arsinal.  
Roxy:*arseanal  
Roxy:**assanal  
Roxy:***food stuff, wat r words?

Calliope: Indeed she has! Learned how to bake variety of cakes and cookies, and after some prodding from my well of cUriosity for foods of differing times of the day, she revealed to me the secrets of preparing an honestly wholesome thUsfar breakfast!

Rose: Certainly sounds like you’re enjoying your new found hobby from the way you’re speaking about it!

Calliope: Indeed I am! Its qUite a method of artistic expression, and I mUst admit that I am gaining a bit weight from enjoying it so mUch!~

Rose: I have a question though, if you have been delving into the pillow sweet cake of the pan, why are there bowls out on the table?

Dave: for cereal… obviously. getting me some cinnamon toast crunch, all soggy n shit. like an orgy happening in my mouth.

Dirk: An Orgy? That is the word you use to describe consuming it?

Dave: have you never had cinnamon toast crunch before?

Dirk: No, I have not, what does that have to do with anything?

Dave: everything, because you are about to have your mind blown along with your mouth! like a school nerd getting a trip to the playboy mansion. dick suckin of a lifetime!

Rose: Dave, you just said that to your genetic Father in front of your Genetic Mother and Sister.

Dave: yeah yeah, freudian slip, i got familial issues from sexual abuse or some shit and i hide it with my attitude and personality as a shield to cope, what the fuck ever, its the weekend. turn the psyche shit off for an hour and cut me some slack.

Rose: So you’re all going to have a bowl of cereal, after eating pancakes, waffles, and French toast?

Roxy: totes malotes mah wayward sister/mother/daughter/wahteves  
Roxy: ;)

Rose: And why are you having such a sugary morning feast today? Is there a special occasion? Especially to have in my home of all places for some reason.

Dave: 6 words. saturday mother fucking morning cartoons, bitch!

Rose: You say, in front of your biological mothe-

Dave: NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A PSYCHO BABBLE QUIP ROSE! I HAD TO PUT WITH THAT GARBAGE FOR THREE GOD DAMN YEARS ON A ROCK IN SPACE, AND I AINT PUTTING UP WITH IT TODAY! OK?! I DID MY FUCKING TIME AND WILL APE SHIT UP AND FLIP THE FUCKING BREAKFAST TABLE IF YOU CONTINUE WITH THAT GLOBAL WARMING CAUSING POLLUTION! YOU HEAR ME YOU SUNNY D’FUCK OFF?! I WILL SLAP YOUR SHIT HARDER THAN A BABOONS ASS!

Roxy: PFFFFT **-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA** BABVOONS ASS! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!!! THE WAY U SAID IT!!!

Dirk: Anyone ever tell you that you’re hilarious when you go bananas, Dave?

Rose: Fine, I’ll drop it, it was getting stale anyways.

Dave: youre god damn right you will. *noms a fuckin buttery waffle*

Rose: Now what is this about Saturday morning Cartoons?

Roxy: well, ykno how dirk and me didn hav the most normal of childhoods growing up? laik, no school days or homework, or a lotta friends to talk too while worring bout the fish bitch and her army of bugbots to come and kill us in our sleep?

Rose: …Yes?

Dirk: Since the game ended, and our Odyssey of bullshit came to an end, we took some time to learn about how _normal_ Humans in the 20th century lived, and we wanted to connect a little more with our effective cultural roots by engaging our traditions and experiencing them ourselves. We started from the younger days, and found most of them of no longer relevant or capable of fulfilling them.

Dirk: Or at least not without being _completely_ weird, like the first day of school.

Dirk: But there were some things we really could experience at any age, one of them being saturday morning cartoons.

Roxy: so we decided to have a slumber party at your place!

Rose: Without telling me?

Roxy: you said we were alwasy welcome in your hive

Rose: Well, that is true, but I still wo-

Calliope: Here yoU are Rose, happy eating!

Rose: Why thank you Calli! I appreciate your application of culinary art skills on my behalf!

Roxy: yo, that looks, ultra bomb, calli

Calliope: Give me bUt a moment and I shall have another batch ready for yoU, deary!

Dave: so what cartoons did you watch growing up rose? i watched teenaged mutant ninja turtles and xiaolin showdown whenver i could. those shows were as dope as crack my lil developing mind.

Rose: My favorite was the X-Men, but I also used to watch Turtles and Digimon myself, along with shows such as Yu-Gi-Oh and One Piece.

Dirk: Ah, the _bastardized_ versions I take it.

Rose: Bastardized is a good word to describe them. But I still enjoyed them while I could until I was 10.

Dirk: What happened when you were 10?

Rose: My mother happened. She actually set up a slumber party between me and my friends at our place… without my input. I didnt pay it too much mind, considering I actually wanted to spend more time with my friends so I went along with it…. then she did the unthinkable, and tried to be a participant along with us… I assumed she was attempting to 1-Up me in some sort of display of superiority over me, like she was showing she was the better party slumber girl and in response I responded by trying to outdo her myself, resulting in-*bites a morsel of French Toast*

Rose: **Oh my God!**

Rose: Calliope, these, are delicious!~♥

Calliope: YoU are most welcome, love bug!

Dave: then what happened?

Rose: Hang on *m ** _o_** nches on a big ole bite of french toast… then another bite. Basically she devours the whole thing and swiftly motions to Calli for seconds*

Rose: After a night of passive aggressive gossip, jokes, and various games, I awoke to find that I had awoken last, and that my Mother and my friends were watching cartoons… without me… I felt… angry that my Mother would do such a thing, making me feel inadequate towards my school yard companions at the time.

Dave: ouch…

Roxy: rose… im… wow, im sry about all that.

Rose: For…what exactly?

Roxy: **_me_** … being a shitty parent to you.

Rose: Roxy, you had nothing to do with that, you and my Mother to two different people. Besides, I was recounting how I _felt_ at the time. Looking back now, it all strikes me as her attempts to become closer with me, and I just kept misinterpreting it all as subtle malice on her part…

Rose: Which is why I regret not spending more time with her when I could have… and … our last interaction being one of violent in nature… theres a lot of things I regret doing and not doing when I think about her. Really wished I wasn’t a brat with such a need for endless strife. My Mother deserved better.

Dave: yknow you could not look to the past so much. i mean, roxy isnt the mom you knew, but you know what i mean. a fresh start to make new memories and that other mushy familial stuff. mushy familial stuff with her cool space snake girlfriend cooking us a kickass feast in the morning.

Calliope: YoU’re welcome again, Dave! *Mwah*!

Dave: it could be…

Dave: 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓬

Rose: I don’t sound like that.

Dave: * _𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖕𝖊𝖚𝖙𝖎𝖈_

Rose: Much better!

Rose: Awfully wise words coming from a boy who lost his temper a few minutes ago!

Dave: what can i say? if i wasnt a time player id probably be a rage player, considering how repressed i am with my general pissation that are my feelings.

Dave: seriously, you should all be grateful that i dont give a fuck half the time or i would be the human version of karkat, but without any breaks.

Roxy: would u laik that rosey? spendin time with ur sister-mom and bros, watching cartoons while eating breakfast cakes and candy??

Rose: Of course I would Roxy! I have nothing pressing to do today, and my genetic relatives have offered to spend time with me in my home, performing a cultural activity that I didn’t indulge in enough while I had the chance! How could I refuse?

Dirk: Aw yeah! Strilonde Clan having a family day together!

Roxy: hopi shit ur gonna have the childhood u never enjoyed, we gots all kinds of 80s slash 90s goodness lined up! transformers, thundercats, swat kats, wild cats… thundercats again

Dave: i just realized theres a lot of shows about cats doing shit

Roxy: thats cuz cats r bitchin, yo!

Rose: Can we watch Batman?

Dirk: _Which_ Batman? Be specific, as it may or may not affect our relationship in a small way in the future.

Rose: The Animated series, the one that aired on September 5th, 1992.

Dirk: …

Dirk: You _ **are**_ my genetic daughter!

Dave: dude, are you crying?

Dirk: I am just… so proud right now…


End file.
